Sunday, January 14, 2018

There are those people who care about it all

The vogued antidepressant apathy or its cousin  pseudo hip  indifference with an  artistic element/ that nauseating disaffected affect         like   capitalism   but I’m  black  so  catch a rabbit   with  me    pet  its  hung   foot while  I   get this money     which is really   fear    transmuted  to shame and  deep-rooted insecurity   transmuted  to   numb and    here   come  Uncle Tom  n  nem  talking   about   their   institutional    situation           peddling the   scum  on  their   vaseline      always    reaching    for     a   victim         searching  all the kitchens   for  someone  to  coerce   into     mere   representation         and   the gall to   convince    them    they   enjoy  it,     that   it  keeps  them   safe     from   the   nodding   epiphany   of    the     real        self           but   finally      suffering    is    the    distance  between    your    knowledge      and     your       action        measured   in   quiet    complicity   emotional  stinginess   and  brick  buildings      and   if   you   just   let   the   trumpet   shatter    that    constipated    grin       if   you    let    the   shadow      in        you’ll    find    that   going   crazy  in a  society   of  sick  men     is    actually      a symptom     of      healing               that they call   falling   in  love   with your beautiful  black  self   and  admitting it  truly   embodying  it    crazy     a   betrayal    and   keep  it   just enough   at  bay   that sometimes  you  don’t   even  notice    the   rage  of  self-denial   in  its  helpless   demolition of  all of  your inner  resources          and   so      as   the   cop   held  the mortally wounded black man    and  asked  him  who  did  this  to  you    while   he  bled  out  from  the  bullet    wound      fuck  you    
were   that man’s   last   words,  a  red river down the   gendarme’s     arms                                        I  should   care,  and  I  do